


Would Have Should Have

by willowcia



Category: Revenge (TV)
Genre: Character Death, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-02
Updated: 2012-09-02
Packaged: 2017-11-13 09:31:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willowcia/pseuds/willowcia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Revenge Ficathon, for the prompt 'I would have died. I would have loved you all my life.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Would Have Should Have

She takes his blood stained hands and presses them to her lips, telling him _I would’ve died, I should’ve died, why didn’t I die?_

But it’s too late because he can’t hear her and a voice behind her is saying “Miss Thorne, we’ll need to ask you some questions.” 

 

Emily lets his hands drop and turns to the police officer and says “Of course” when she means “Why wasn’t it me?”

 

-

 

The White-Haired Man smiles at her. She knows his name now, but it doesn’t fit right with her, because the White-Haired Man means _killed my father_ and _blew up Victoria_ and _murdered Nolan_ and Emily was blind not to realize he was her enemy from the start.

 

“Do you wish you’d killed me?” he asks, almost politely. Emily’s skin crawls and she remembers the way Nolan’s blood stained her shirt and how she could have prevented it.

 

Her voice is steady when she replies, “No. I’m going to enjoy watching you rot,” and she means it.  She won’t let herself hire someone to kill him in his prison cell or threaten him into doing whatever she wants. She’s going to stand to the side and watch as his empire crumbles and everything he loves turns to dust.

 

This is nothing new for Emily Thorne.

 

-

 

Jack calls her at two in the morning, his voice flat like he’s had the air sucked out of him.

 

“I know you probably don’t want to be disturbed- especially at this hour- but Amanda really wanted me to call- she really wanted you to know”

 

“Jack,” she says, and remembers the way his lips felt against hers and how she spent almost ten years living with his memory.  It doesn’t matter anymore though, because Jack will never stop loving Amanda, and Emily refuses to spend the rest of her life loving Jack.

 

“Yeah, sorry, but Amanda wanted- Amanda’s had the baby,” he finally blurts out. Emily smiles into the phone.

 

“Congratulations,” she says as warmly as she can.

 

“Thanks,” Jack says, relieved, like he expected scorn, but then continues cautiously, “And she really wanted you to know… It’s a boy. And she’s- we’ve – decided to name him David.”

 

Emily laughs out loud.

 

-

 

She thinks if she’d been there she could’ve saved him.  Maybe the White-Haired Man would’ve pointed the gun at _her_ and he would’ve found _her_ bleeding in _her_ house and he would be blaming himself for _her_ death and thinking that he’s the one that could have died, would have died and could’ve would’ve _should’ve_

 

She realizes her hands are shaking.

 

-

 

His gravestone reads:

 

_Nolan Ross_

_4 th September 1980- 22 August 2012_

_Beloved son, brother, and nephew. Will be missed._

 

Apparently headstones cost per letter and Emily personally thinks a billionaire could have had a bit better, but it was probably Carole Miller who organized it and she is always one for simplicity.

 

She’s had three calls from Carole over the past two months, and Emily can’t decide if the woman’s concern for her is heart-warming or irritating.

 

Emily lets her thumb trace his last name, and every apology she whispers is too late.

 

-

 

The last time she spoke to him when he wasn’t bleeding out in his kitchen was in the same place, but the night before.

 

“You’ve got the footage on his house?” and he handed her the DVD before she’d even finished her sentence.

 

“So,” Nolan said, “Blackmail material or your own kinky purposes?”

 

She nearly walked out but he pointed out that Jack’s been teaching him to make cocktails and if he ends up poisoning him with it because he hasn’t had anyone to practise on it’s completely her fault.

 

“Fine,” Emily said, and he served her an Orange Tundra.

 

-

 

Satoshi Takeda leaves a voice message telling her not to let her emotions get in the way of her revenge which Emily doesn’t reply to because _doesn’t he understand? There is no revenge._ She could’ve left this and walked away months ago, she could have, _she should have_ , but she can’t now because Nolan went and got himself killed and now she can’t leave because this house and this place because this is where he was, this is where he will always be.

 

She only tells this to his gravestone, where she whispers him _I would have died, I would have loved you all my life, I’m sorry._


End file.
